i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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