You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
