Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize