well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
