Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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