I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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