apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
