I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
