why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
