saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
