I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
