3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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