I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
