Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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