You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
