Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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