I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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