3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
