You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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