we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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