Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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