Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
