I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
