What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
