Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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