Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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