your parents love me but you hate me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
