I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
