today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
