speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
