Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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