I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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