If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
