Your face is a jimmy john
The maid of honor just puked.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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