I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
