I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
