you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
