Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
