but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
