Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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