then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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