dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
