I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
