Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
