I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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