At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
