the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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