I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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