It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
