he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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