you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
