Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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