My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
