Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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