I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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