evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
