capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
