I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
