i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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