You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
