Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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