What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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