True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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