my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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