I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
PANTIES FOUND
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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