I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
