VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
