We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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