the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
