I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
