Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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