It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
