I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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